Are you ready for a boost, in self-esteem, and personal growth?
Overcoming self-doubt and rejection while embracing self-worth is vital for boosting self-esteem. Whether you’re navigating perfectionism, healing from past trauma, or battling negative self-talk, this guide offers strategies for addressing self-acceptance and nurturing healthy relationships.
For us to begin boosting our self-esteem, we must first get to the root of why it is low in the first place. The reason is that there are many symptom fulfillers that we often chase, hoping they will be our end-all—be-all to do a 360-degree turn back to where we started.
Some videos and articles tell us the way to higher self-esteem is by exercising and taking yourself on a date, 10 words to positive thinking, and encouraging yourself.
Now, don’t misunderstand me. These things are great, and I’m guilty of exploring a few myself, but they fail to address the core issue. These temporary actions can be done and still leave us empty as they merely trim a branch when the real issue lies at the root, frequently arising from feelings of rejection.
Disclaimer: As a Christ follower scripture is a guide for me. If you are not a Christ follower or into any religion, please keep reading even with scriptures being presented, I ask that you view them as famous encouraging quotes, insights, and wisdom from a famous author. I am CONFIDENT that you will get something out of this.
The Greek Roots of Rejection
In Greek, the word for rejection is atheos, which conveys meanings such as to set aside, disesteem, neutralize, violate, cast off, despise, disannul, frustrate, bring to naught, and reject. Each of these terms highlights the destructive nature of rejection, illustrating how it can nullify a person’s sense of worth and belonging.
The 3 C’s: Comparing, Competing & Complementing
See rejection used to be a best friend of mine we walked, talked, and even prayed together for years. Rejection got me into a lot of trouble always showing up in anxiety, isolation, and on occasion depression.
Rejection caused me to dive into empty relationships, compare myself to everyone and everything, competing in silence, rejecting love, practicing low self-esteem and self-worth.
Rejection made runway from compliments and the possibility of having good friends because rejection told me “We don’t like people because they don’t like us, and they always disappoint”. Rejection even taught me scripture like “if the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you”- John 15:8 telling me that if Jesus was rejected it's ok to accept it and embrace this way of life. Looking back now boy was rejection driving all the time, but it didn’t stay that way keep reading.
Unforgettable story
Back in 2023, I embarked on a heart- healing self-transformation journey that gave me the tools and tips I needed to finally break free from trauma and learn how to process emotional and mental pain to truly heal and live free and whole and experience greater intimacy with God, myself, and others. With this journey I was able to break free from mental patterns that I Thought I’d always live with and traumatic experiences I thought I always have to relive in a negative light.
Where rejection started
A month after the Emmaus retreat on a Friday night with no kids, my husband set the lights, put on some jazz music, lit candles, and asked me to dance with him (the dream right!). As he grabbed me, out of my anxiousness I stiffened up like a cement wall drying overnight, but he continued to pull me in closer and closer, I started to push him away, but I couldn’t.
Thoughts flooded my mind “I don’t deserve this”. “I’m not worthy”. “I’m a mess”. But I went along with it anyway, somehow, I was performing the action of dancing with him while simultaneously rejecting it all. But I couldn’t leave he smelled so good, and his touch was as gentle as a dove yet mighty as a lion his muscles pulsed after every movement. The longer he held me the more that cement wall began to melt while feelings still formed “How could I be worth this love? “, “I’m not good enough” I thought But I stayed there because I wanted more.
I then retreated to the bathroom like Cinderella running at midnights crock and began to cry. This was red eyes, gushing nose kind of cry yet so silent, just silent enough to conceal it from my husband. At that moment I asked Holy Spirit what was going on “Why is this good thing being rejected by me?” just then it was as if the answer came internally so quickly; I realized that I had been rejecting God in this same way running from his love and performing because I felt I hadn’t deserved it. I made a practice of rejecting God, and I didn’t even know it.
“I made a practice of rejecting God, and I didn’t even know it.”
Discovering the root of rejection
The next morning, I went to my closet to process prior events of the night before. I asked Holy Spirit to show me the root of my rejection “Where was the first moment I experienced it?” just then I paused in silence awaiting the answer and entered a vision of my mother being pregnant with me and attempting to give herself an abortion, I wept bitterly. After gathering myself I hastily called my mother wondering if this could be true and asked her about what I saw, and she confirmed it and opened up and told me the whole experience.
(I didn’t intend on sharing this part of the but felt I needed to)
My Mother stated that she hated my father so much that when she found out he was pregnant by him she didn’t want to keep anything connected to him and she attempted to go the traditional way of abortion, but they informed her she was too far along in pregnancy to terminate and they wouldn’t be able to accommodate for her.
She left angry and, in a rage, she reached for a wire hanger and attempted a self-abortion, as she tried, she started bleeding and got scared and cried and said that she would keep the baby and begged God for forgiveness. I told her I forgave her and that I didn’t blame her at all and only wanted healing to come forth out of this. After hanging up with her other moments of rejection surfaced and I had to address them all not alone because Holy Spirit was there with me.
Symptoms of Rejection and Their Impact on Self-Esteem
- Self-Doubt and Worthlessness
- Symptom: Feeling undeserving of love and kindness.
- Effects on Self-Esteem: Leads to diminished self-worth and withdrawal from relationships.
- Biblical Reference: “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works.” —Ephesians 2:10.
- Personal Example: In my story, during the romantic dance with my husband, the overwhelming sense of unworthiness clouded my ability to enjoy the moment. This self-doubt created a barrier to experiencing love and happiness.
- Striving for Perfection
- Symptom: Believing performance and perfectionism will bring acceptance.
- Effects on Self-Esteem: Results in stress, disappointment, and a sense of failure.
- Biblical Reference: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” —2 Corinthians 12:9.
- Personal Example: My journey involved breaking free from the belief that perfectionism equated to worthiness. This realization allowed me to embrace my flaws and see them as part of God’s perfect plan.
- Lack of Self-Acceptance
- Symptom: Difficulty accepting oneself due to self-criticism.
- Effects on Self-Esteem: Hinders personal growth and satisfaction.
- Biblical Reference: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” —Psalm 139:14.
- Personal Example: My struggle with self-acceptance was rooted in the rejection I felt from my mother’s initial feelings toward me. Understanding this helped me embrace my uniqueness and value.
- Unhealed Past Experiences
- Symptom: Layers of rejection and trauma that remain unaddressed.
- Effects on Self-Esteem: Causes ongoing emotional pain and hinders forward movement.
- Biblical Reference: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” —Psalm 147:3.
- Personal Example: Discovering the root of my rejection in my mother’s story was a pivotal moment that began my healing journey, allowing me to address and overcome these lingering wounds. And finally heal.
- Influence of Unrealistic Expectations
- Symptom: Comparing oneself due to social media pressures.
- Effects on Self-Esteem: Leads to feelings of inadequacy and discontent.
- Biblical Reference: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world.” —Romans 12:2.
- Personal Example: Letting go of comparisons and focusing on God’s plan helped me find peace and satisfaction, reducing the pressure to conform to societal standards.
- Family Rejection
- Symptom: Experiencing rejection from family during childhood.
- Effects on Self-Esteem: Creates feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness.
- Biblical Reference: “Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” —Psalm 27:10.
- Personal Example: The revelation of my mother’s initial rejection highlighted the impact it had on my self-esteem, and understanding this helped me seek God’s unwavering acceptance.
- Negative Self-Talk
- Symptom: Internal dialogue filled with criticism.
- Effects on Self-Esteem: Reinforces low self-esteem and hinders growth.
- Biblical Reference: “Think about such things.” —Philippians 4:8.
- Personal Example: By replacing negative thoughts with positive affirmations and biblical truths, I began to transform my self-perception and boost my self-esteem.
- Avoidance of Intimacy
- Symptom: Fear of closeness due to potential rejection.
- Effects on Self-Esteem: Prevents meaningful connections.
- Biblical Reference: “There is no fear in love.” —1 John 4:18.
- Personal Example: My hesitation during intimate moments with my husband underscored my fear of rejection. Embracing love and vulnerability helped me overcome this fear and foster deeper connections.
Remember, you are deserving of love, acceptance, and a life filled with joy. Every step you take toward embracing your true self brings you closer to a brighter future. Let this be the beginning of a new chapter where you fully embrace your worth and potential boosting self-esteem. Start today, and watch as your life transforms in beautiful and unexpected ways.
visit me on my substance: https://blossomwithgreen.substack.com/
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